Songs from a Black Hole
by Number9 Dream
Summary: I'm no good at writing summaries. Matt struggles to find his place. Sorato.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I dont own the characters from digimon, nor do I own any referenced materials.

"…so as I put the pen down and erase the last line,

Think about your body pressed against mine,

Think about how good it feels to be bad…

…I watched you pull away from your front lawn,

With nothing left to do but wave goodbye…"

The cheers of the crowd blend and fade into a dull ring in my ears, such as their faces all start to look the same. My life has become one endless propaganda reel. Nothing is real but the power of suggestion is great. The belief in human individuality at one time seemed plausible. Throughout my school years, for example, everyone was so unique and so themselves it was freeing. But something of this generation demands uniformity from Nazi's to Nike's, Fascism to fashionism be yourself at the risk of losing yourself. I guess trying to be everyone helps settle the desire to figure out who we are," I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together." to quote John Lennon.

But I guess it makes sense, we're too busy nowadays to be plagued with all of life's riddles. I of all people should know this, the walking contradiction. I'm here complaining about individualism and I don't even have a say about the clothes I wear. But are we so lonely and so desperate that we have pretend we're something we're not to attract someone they're not. It's not wonder so many relationships never last, they're all built on lies.

Being elevated in front of a crowd of people with expectations is a daunting task, especially when they aren't even expecting you, they are expecting some alter ego you regrettably created when you truly believed in him to be real. Fortunately for me summers end was drawing near. And with it brings the new school year and a slight sense of normality.

After the show I decided to just go straight home, no management, no fans, no more…

My apartment was a short drive from the venue, 15 minutes or so, though it seems much shorter with Let it be on the stereo. How did they do it? Remain the most popular band in the world while just ignoring what the world was doing, well at least musically. When I was younger I used to love singing "Love me do" which is actually the reason I came to play the harmonica. Which is actually how I came to play guitar. And once I could play it on the guitar and harmonica while singing I wanted to play my own songs. So I guess in a roundabout way the Beatles are the cause and solution to most of my problems.

I returned to an empty home as usual. My father, who shared this apartment with me, has always been something of a workaholic. Because of that I was always greeted with a index card with instructions for the night and the following morning, and on occasion a grocery list. Because my father worked so hard, his health has been failing him. He's been hospitalized twice in the past 6 months for his failing lungs. So now he splits his time between work and the hospital. Which still leaves me with an empty apartment, only now I don't have even the index cards to keep me company.

My room was the only room in the house which showed any signs of wear. I have wires strewn about the ground, guitars leaning on most every inch of wall space available, and my laptop sitting on my desk. Not to mention the fair collection of assorted soft drink containers next to the laptop. I had my collection of records and cd's spilling out of the closet, and my school clothes in a pile right next to the door.

I put my phone on the charger and sat down on my bed, I lazily emptied the change from my pocket, and threw my jacket on the ground. I argue with the thought of take a shower but nah, tomorrow. I'm to comfortable to get up again.

It's strange how confusing life can be. A couple years ago I was myself and I was different. My friends encouraged me to stay different. Then once everyone else noticed me and how different I was. Then they copied me, so I was now the same. Then I had to TRY to be different but they kept changing along with me. Then I just gave up on trying. People always want to be rock stars, they think it'd be better then their boring mundane lives, and in the beginning it was. But then the reality of the business side creeps its ugly head in. And honestly I've never been so miserable in my life. I don't have family, I lost my friends, and every day I'm drifting further and further away from my band and its music.

A/N Don't worry there is a story to be told. I just thought I'd introduce the main character as I see him. Curious as to what you think. Thank you for your time.


	2. Chapter 2

Holy crap, its been awhile since i posted anything. Life is crazy sometimes but i hope to work more diligently on the rest of the story.

I hate the shower.

I've hated it since i was seven years old. I went camping with my parents one weekend up in the mountains. My dad was something of a workaholic, in that, in order to provide for my mother and me he had to work nearly everyday. He worked the night shift as a security guard at our hospital and this vacation was really the first time I had been able to spend any time with my dad in a long time.

Before we left I had been taking swimming lessons so the first thing I had wanted to do was go swimming. After we walked down to the river. I complained about how crowded swimming area was, so my dad suggested we go hiking down stream and look for a different place to swim. We hiked a mile or so before we found this sheltered cove with a giant rock we could jump off of. We had barely decided to stay before my father ran and jumped off the rock. The next thing i heard was him laughing. "Wow, wasn't expecting it to be this cold." He laughed at himself while he waited for his body to adjust to the cold water. "Come on Sora, It's your turn." he yelled up to me as he swam to the base of the rock to watch. After hearing him talk about how cold the water was I wasn't so keen on swimming.

I walked to the edge of the rock and looked down. It didn't look as high from where my mother was sitting.

"I don't wanna do it ."

"Why not sweetie?" my dad asked backing up from the rock so he could see me.

"It's to high!" I said walking back to where my mom was waiting. I put my sandals back on and sat on my moms lap.

"But Sora, your climbing tree is much taller than this, and you're not scared of that."

"That's different dad, besides the water is too cold."

"Come on Sora it'll be fun, you'll get used to the water really quick, I promise."

"Yeah Sora, go have some fun with your dad." my mom chimed in.

I tried to argue a little while longer but I finally gave in. I gave my mom my towel and climbed up the rock. Then with a little hesitance I jumped.

The water was so cold my body locked up. I jumped straight out and streamlined out to the main portion of the river. The light current started dragging me down stream. I tried to scream for help but every time i opened my mouth water would rush in. Every foot I went the current got faster and stronger and faster and stronger, until i thought i was going to be pulled into the rapids just down stream.

Luckily for me there were some men playing with their kids on the beach just before the rapids and one of them jumped in and rescued me. My parents came running to my side as the man carried me out of the water. My father grabbed me from the man and squeezed me tight. He carried me back to our campsite as I cried and coughed up water all over him.

Soon after that incident my father passed on. He was on his way home from the local convenience store with coffee for my mom and some ice cream for me, when he was struck by a drunk driver. The driver of the car was a partner at one of the largest law firms in all of japan, and the settlement was the only reason we were able to stay in Odaiba. Seeing as how my mothers flower business wasn't even open yet, we wouldn't have had any way to support ourselves.

When i got out of the shower i dried off, put my hair in a pony tail and put on a sweat suit. I had wanted to spend the whole day sleeping or just relaxing but i need groceries and a few school supplies.

"Mom! I'm going to the store I'll be back in a couple hours." I yelled in the kitchen.

"Alright sweety! please remember to get gas on your way back I wont have time to stop in the morning."

"Okay, love you."

I grabbed my keys and the shirt i bought for Kari at the show last night and headed out the door. The show was pretty amazing, they had been playing shows all throughout japan and tonight was his first time back in town for the end of the tour. The drummer was playing on a mechanical riser, and at different times in the show he was lifted in the air. About mid way through the show, the rest of the band left the stage, and the drummer took a solo. He started out just keeping time with the high hat ,getting everyone in the crowd to clap along, and slowly began a graceful and marching snare solo. Then he brought in the kick and began transforming it into this upbeat jazz fill, then the toms came in and gradually the whole kit. And once the solo really started taking off the riser started lifting him up, then it began to move him out over the crowd. Everyone went nuts. He finished the solo hovering above the crowd, and as the riser was slowly resetting he threw out a couple sets of his sticks. And as he walked off stage waving to the crowd, Matt came out on stage with his acoustic guitar. He walked up to the microphone stand and adjusted it slightly before asking the crowd how they were feeling. Reinvigorating the crowds applause. He introduced the song, saying he'd just written it a couple nights ago and he apologized in advance if he messed up any of the words. He began strumming his guitar, letting the sound fill the audience. He closed his eyes took a deep breath and let the despairing melody flow forth. Every one in the crowd stood silent til the songs conclusion. And as the song ended they showered him in applause. The rest of the band came out and finished the set.

It was weird though, Matt used to stay after the shows and sign autographs or hang out with everyone no matter how he was feeling, but last night he just went home. Which sucked cause I stayed out late to try to see him. We don't get to hang out anymore and I was really looking forward to it. I even brought him some of my home made cookies. I used to bring him these cookies whenever I would see him play. I remember the first time I made them I burned them really badly, but he ate every single one. Oh well, school was gonna be starting soon so maybe I'll get to see him then. I might even save him a cookie.

I figured I'd go by Kari's house before going to the store since it was slightly out of the way of the other two places. Tai and Kari's parents had moved out of the apartments a couple years ago and moved into a nice house just by the school. Tai was pretty upset that we wouldn't be able to hang out as much as we did. We both turned 16 later in the year so we ended up making up for lost time, and sometimes it would feel like Tai never left. Whenever my mom asked why he was over again he'd say something corny like, "I'm just making up for the time we wont get to spend together in the future."

I was turning off the main street when I noticed someone familiar walking to their car. I swear I recognize the car, it looked like Matt's, so I slowed down to get a better look. I cant really tell who who it is with that hat on, but it really looked like him.

He noticed me staring at him and looked right at me. There was no doubt about it. That was Matt.

"Hey Matt!" I yelled as I got out of the car.

He kinda just stared at me for a second.

"Sora? Is that you?" He asked with a quizzical look on his face."Holy shit it is. How are you doing?" he asked as I gave him the tightest hug of his life.

"I'm doing well, I loved the show last night."

"Thank you...you were there?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss a chance to see you perform." I smiled as I gave him a quick once over."Although I did miss you after the show, I was really hoping we'd be able to hang out for a bit. But you're here now so it's all good."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was pretty tired."

"Well anyways, how are you? The band is doing pretty well from what I've seen." I added with a regrettably embarrassing smile.

"Well like I said I'm really tired but the album has been selling pretty well and the shows have been sold out for the most part. So I guess the band is doing good." he says sounding less than enthused.

"Well that's great isn't it? I mean...you don't sound very exited about it."

"It's nice to have had all my hard work pay off. But this isn't exactly the kind of lifestyle i was hoping it would be. The pressure from the label about writing the next album along with the stress from the tour and everyone in the band. It's been getting to me. That's why I'm actually pretty glad school is going to be starting soon. I was on my way out to grab some stuff for school when you pulled up actually."

"I was on my way to the office store as well. Do you wanna ride over there with me?"

"Eh, I guess so....Sure, why not."

At the office supply store-

"So what classes are you gonna be taking this year?" I asked, tossing a couple of binders into our mutual shopping cart.

"Government, Calculus, Japanese, English, Astronomy and a music class. How about you?"

"Not quite sure yet. I never had a chance to pick up my schedule."

"We should go pick it up. It's not to far from my house... Oh, are you gonna be playing tennis this year? I heard you were amazing last year." He asked.

"Definitely, I took third at finals last year. And I'm looking to top that performance this year."

"That's really amazing. Hopefully I'll be able to attend some of your matches this year." He said with a smile.

It was nice to see him loosening up. We didn't say a word the car ride over, and he had the most serious expression on his face. It was really awkward. It's a shame too, he had the most amazing smile I'd ever seen in my life. It was one of the reasons I was never able to stay mad at him when we were younger. It was also the reason many of his fans fell in love with him.

"Did you see the article in the paper about Jyou?" he said, getting pretty excited.

"Yeah, about his new vaccine right?"

"Yeah, a vaccine that can prevent cancer cells from mutating, thus making it easier to treat. I cant believe someone was able to do that. Not that it surprises me that Jyou could do something like that, even at such a young age, just that science has come so far. It's just really amazing." I don't remember him ever being so into science, or anything that was going on in the world. "And how about 'Mimi's makeup and accessories'? Now that wasn't as surprising."

"Did you hear about Tai? He's got a full ride scholarship to Tokyo for soccer, pretty amazing right?"

Matt stared blankly back at me and stopped pushing the cart.

Oh no. How could i have forgotten?

"I'm sorry Matt. I forgot. I really didn't mean to offend you. I...."

"Sora...It's alright."

"It's been so long since you've been..."

"Sora." he interrupted. "It's OK, don't even worry about it."

We kept walking with the same awkward silence we had the car ride over. I cant believe I'd forgotten what happened.

"So hows your mom?" he asked grabbing a pack of pens.

"She's doing alright. Business has been kinda slow lately. But she just did the arrangements for that love line show, she also had a segment on the show about how to select and combine flowers for different occasions, so it'll probably pick back up in no time."

"You guys still in the same apartment?"

"Yeah, unfortunately." I let out with a sigh.

"Unfortunately? I remember your loved your apartment. It was so much bigger than the rest of ours. You used to have everyone come over, and you guys took such good care of it."

"No, I do still love the apartment. It's just that everyone's moved out of the complex. It's just not as much fun as before"

"Oh. Izzy moved too?"

"Yeah. He got hired by by some bank to write and maintain some security software. And I guess they're paying him quite well. This was...what? 6 months ago?."

"I guess I haven't really been in touch recently" he said averting his eyes.

"I've got everything I need.."

"I've got everything I need as well."

As we got to the check out line Matt offered to pay for my supplies, Now I tried to refuse but he kept insisting and how could I say no? After paying, I drove us back to his house.

"Well thanks for the ride Sora."

"No problem, thanks for the supplies."

"No problem. Well I guess I'll see you at school." he said turning to walk away.

"Hey Matt. What are you doing right now?"

"Uhh, Nothing really, maybe have some lunch. Why do you ask?".

"I was just gonna see if you wanted to hang out a little more. I need to go to the grocery store but other then that I'm free. Maybe we could go and get some lunch together?".

"Well...I guess. But you're choosing lunch."

"Pizza OK?" I asked.

"Perfect!"

We decided on going to the pizza place across the street from the park where the digidestined used to hang out. We went in the shop and found a booth right by the window.

"So what kind of pizza do you want?" he asked as I sat my purse on the table." Do you still like Hawaiian?"

"Of course. I'm surprised you remember."

"Remember that time we came here after your soccer match, the regional finals? And I tried to buy pizza for everyone, and I forgot to get a Hawaiian pizza. I had to suffer the wrath of a very angry, very tired, and very hungry Sora that day. I will never forget what kind of pizza to get you as long as I live."

I lost it. I could barely breathe remembering that story.

"I'm still sorry about that." I apologized in between fits of laughter.

"You're Yamato Ishida right? From the teenage wolves." a voice cut in.

Matt just kinda shrugged and put on a fake smile. "Yes I am. And who might you be?" He asked offering out his hand.

"I'm Ayumi." She stuttered grabbing Matt's hand."You were amazing last night. When you played 'I look around' my boyfriend and I lost it. That's him over there." a woman said pointing at a guy sitting in a booth talking on his cell phone. "I'm gonna go get him. Be right back." she said running over to the table. Another couple started talking to Matt as the first woman arrived at her boyfriends booth and began violently shaking him and pointing in Matt's direction.

"Could we get a picture please?" the couple behind me asked.

"Sure." Matt said walking in between the two of them as the girl handed me the camera.

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not." I accepted. The girl walked back over to Matt and he put his arms around the two of them, "Say cheese."

Matt just smiled, his photo smile, as the couple yelled cheese. I wonder how he was able to put on this show. He was never really able to fake his emotions when we were younger, and I don't remember him being so graceful in public. To be honest I don't remember him being this graceful in private. Well I guess he's been able to get a lot of practice.

"Thank you!" she shrieked as I handed her her camera. Just as soon as the one couple had finished Ayumi and her boyfriend were ready to take their place.

I took a couple more pictures and Matt signed autographs for everyone. It wasn't so bad though seeing as how we got our pizza for free from the owner.

"Is it like this wherever you go?" I asked sitting back in our booth.

"Eh, for the most part, sometimes I'll get lucky." he said taking a sip of his Pepsi

"Man, you should've warned me." I joked.

"Sorry guess I forgot."

"You forgot you were famous?"

"Something like that. Its been like this so long it feels normal."

We ate the rest of our meal in peace and left just as peacefully.

After lunch we went to the grocery store. Since my mom was always so busy with her work, I was usually left in charge of the meals. I'm no chef but I manage to get the job done most every time Anyhow my mom gave me one of her credit cards so I could just buy the supplies I needed, It makes things so much easier.

"So how have you been doing without your dad at home."

"Alright, its lonely, but not to bad. "

"Well if you want I could come over and make you dinner some time."

"Yeah, that'd be cool."

We were on our way home when I remembered that Kari told me that Tk and her had finally become official.

"I heard about Tk and Kari. I'm so happy for them!"

"Yeah, me too. It's been a long time coming."

"They've always been so cute together. Ha, I bet Tai was less than thrilled." Once again bringing up Tai. He kinda just smiled and made a sound to let me know he heard me.

"Matt, again, I'm sorry. It's just been so long and..."

"And Sora, once again, don't worry about it." he reminded me with a somewhat hostile voice.

What should I say? Eh, I'm so retarded.

We drove silent for a couple minutes before i decided to put some music on. I turned on the cd player and turned back to the road.

It was only a second before the first song began. One of Matt's old demo cd's he made for me.

"_Doing' your best,_

_ain't the same as doing enough,_

_and just the same I'd still give up,_

_you know what I'm made of._

"You still have this?" he asked shocked.

"Of course. This is probably my favorite cd." I looked over and smiled.

"Really? Why?"

"Cause these are the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. Now don't get me wrong I love your band, but these are more intimate. And you sing with so much more emotion." I was interrupted by the sound of the cd skipping.

"Damn, that was my favorite song." I said as I turned off the cd player. I flipped my turn signal on and checked the oncoming traffic."Oh well, we're here anyways." I sighed.

I pulled into the parking spot right next to Matt's car and killed the ignition.

"Hey Sora thanks for hanging out with me today. I actually had a lot of fun." He smiled.

"No problem I had fun too. It was really nice hanging out with you again." I smiled, it was nice to see him smiling. God, I just cant get over what a great smile he has.

"Take Care." he said interrupting my little day dream.

"You too."

I smiled and waved as I watched him walk to his door, and sighed as he walked into his apartment. As I pulled out of the complex I put in Matt's newest cd. I took a deep breath and headed home.

"Hey Sweetie. How was your day?" my mom asked as I walked in the door.

"It was amazing. Do you remember Matt?"

"Of course I do. Didn't you just go to one of his concerts the other day."

"Yeah, well I ran into him today. He went shopping with me and we had lunch."

"Really?! What'd you guys have."

"We had pizza."

"That sounds like you had fun. Oh, did you remember to get the gas."

"I totally forgot."

"Alright, well I'll need you to get it after dinner."

"Ok, what are we having?"

"I grabbed some chicken and some rice. Grab a plate and dig in."

"Thanks mom."

I served myself a plate and ate my dinner while my mom worked at the computer. I put the leftovers in the fridge and cleaned my dishes before grabbing the car keys once again.

"Alright mom, I'm going to get gas now. I'll be back in a few."

"Drive safely Sweetie!" She yelled from the other room.

I walked out of the apartment and noticed someone walking down the hallway.

"Matt, What are you doing here?" I asked walking towards him.

"Well, I wanted to bring you this." He said holding out his hand. "You said this was one of your favorite cd's and it was scratched so I made you another copy."

"Wow. This is awesome, thank you." I looked at the cd and looked back up at Matt, "You really didn't need to do this."

He kinda just stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled. "I know, but I wanted to."

"Well, do you wanna come in for a little bit?"

"I'd love to, but I really need to get back home."

"Oh, well anytime you're in the neighborhood feel free to stop by. Don t be a stranger." I laughed as I gave him a hug.

"Well thanks for the cd Matt. Hopefully I'll see you soon."

"Definitely, have a nice night."

"Goodnight."


End file.
